Surrounded by Mad People

Have you ever seen Colin Powell’s birth certificate? Well?
Do you believe, as some of us do, that Rush Limbaugh never had a mother?
I know, as a heartfelt, if not fact-filled, fact, that Richard Nixon
was a born-again Quaker! He really believed something, probably.

Do you not have to admire conspiracy theorists?

Here is how it goes: Barack Obama’s daddy, who had very dark skin,
conspired, when Barack was born, to have a Hawaiian newspaper report
that Barack was born in Hawaii, and somehow got a birth certificate
that said the same thing, except that Barack really wasn’t born in Hawaii:
he was born in Bulgaria! Then, knowing exactly how things would turn out,
when Barack Obama was elected President, last November, people like us
would never think that Barack really wasn’t American, but a Bulgarian!

At the same time, instead of having to run for the presidency against
someone who might be a viable candidate, Barack Obama’s daddy,
who had died a long time ago in a car accident probably arranged
by his momma or someone else, or God, planned things so that Barack
would have to run against a white man and a white woman from Outer Space,
from where you can see Bulgaria, thereby insuring Barack’s election,

The other people whom we have elected to public office, all of whom
have sharp legal minds, are just being fair, admitting that they have never
seen evidence that either Obama or they, themselves, were ever born.

“Well, you know, I don’t know because I don’t know whether he is black
all over, or just in what he chooses to show in public, or whether he was born
in Bulgaria or Honolulu or in the wine-growing regions of Antarctica.”

Did you elect some of these conspiracy theorists to Congress?
Aren’t you just the least little bit ashamed of having done so?

Are these the people who are the opposition to universal health care,
championing the cause of how efficient private enterprise is when it concerns
running automobile companies, banks, investment scams, and credit cards?
That the government had to invest trillions of dollars to bail them out
only proves that the government is not to be trusted. Did Ronald Reagan
not teach us that the best government is the absence of government;
that Bernard Ripoff (or whatever his name is) would have made all of us
rich except for the fact that he got caught by the government, ripping us off?

There are days, like today, when I am convinced
that there is a conspiracy to elect only mad people to office.
But I suppose that is going too far; some of them are just stupid.

But why should we blame them?
They didn’t plant their own bogus birth certificates!
We know that all they wanted was a good, guaranteed
health care plan, paid for by the evil government they love,
and for providing them with great pensions and undue respect.