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Giving Birth to a Conspiracy

Here is how that birther conspiracy goes down!

Barack Obama had stupid parents.  They got married in Hawaii.  Their plan (as Michael Smirconish says) was to take over the world.  They would have a son, who would become President, so they (plotting very deviously), went to Kenya to give birth.  See?  Who would have expected that?

Then they either rushed back to Hawaii, where there is no record that they ever left, and had birth notices put in a couple of newspapers.  In 1961.  And then they moved to Indonesia, or maybe it was Kenya.  Mike Huckabee is not quite sure which is the real lie.  (It was Indonesia.)

Before any of this happened, Barack's grandfather had fought with Patton in World War II, so as to enhance his still inconceivable grandson's military credentials.  (Oh, this is deep and devious!)

The kid was put into Harvard Law School.  He was good, that kid!  He even edited the Harvard Law Review.

Who knows how the people behind this plan got Republicans in Hawaii to certify that Barack had been born there?

It gets deeper!  Still more devious and unbelievable!  Michael Smerconish, again, says that someone must have  planted Jess Henig and Joe Miller in the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania, who said they they had "seen, touched, examined, and photographed the original birth certificate" and that it "meets all of the requirements from the State Department for proving U.S. citizenship".

Oh, Lord!  They thought of everything, there in Kenya, or wherever it was!

God himself cannot explain how the Mau-Mau got George W. Bush to preside over a great financial fiasco to bring the nation to its economic knees just in time for Barack to ride in on his credentials and win the election. And no one--absolutely no one has been able to verify how it was arranged that John McCain would be the Republican nominee, and that he would pick Sarah Palin as his running mate, practically guaranteeing that Obama could not lose the election!

And there is one more incredibly secret and undeniable fact:  some evil genius, probably in a Hawaiian pineapple warehouse, invented Stupid Pills, and smuggled them into the lunchboxes of people like Mike Huckabee, and Michele Bachmann, and Donald Trump, and all those Tea Party people, which caused them to believe the whole secret, sinister thing!

I will not even speculate who paid for the printing of all those 3X5 cards with oil smudges on them that millions of good, ordinary, decent, garden-growing, lawn-mowing Republicans carry in their pockets that read, "He isn't one of us!"  Neither will I speculate on the sheer genius of whoever decided--When?  A century ago?--that this guy should be Black.  Black, with a White mother from Kansas!  Oh, the devious brain power that has been invested in this stuns me!

Well, The Huckabee stuns me, too.  And Donald is a stunner.  And Our Belle, Michele.  Something almost beyond belief is going on here!  Oh, the horror, the horror, in the heart of darkness!  

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