Skip to main content

Giving Birth to a Conspiracy

Here is how that birther conspiracy goes down!

Barack Obama had stupid parents.  They got married in Hawaii.  Their plan (as Michael Smirconish says) was to take over the world.  They would have a son, who would become President, so they (plotting very deviously), went to Kenya to give birth.  See?  Who would have expected that?

Then they either rushed back to Hawaii, where there is no record that they ever left, and had birth notices put in a couple of newspapers.  In 1961.  And then they moved to Indonesia, or maybe it was Kenya.  Mike Huckabee is not quite sure which is the real lie.  (It was Indonesia.)

Before any of this happened, Barack's grandfather had fought with Patton in World War II, so as to enhance his still inconceivable grandson's military credentials.  (Oh, this is deep and devious!)

The kid was put into Harvard Law School.  He was good, that kid!  He even edited the Harvard Law Review.

Who knows how the people behind this plan got Republicans in Hawaii to certify that Barack had been born there?

It gets deeper!  Still more devious and unbelievable!  Michael Smerconish, again, says that someone must have  planted Jess Henig and Joe Miller in the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania, who said they they had "seen, touched, examined, and photographed the original birth certificate" and that it "meets all of the requirements from the State Department for proving U.S. citizenship".

Oh, Lord!  They thought of everything, there in Kenya, or wherever it was!

God himself cannot explain how the Mau-Mau got George W. Bush to preside over a great financial fiasco to bring the nation to its economic knees just in time for Barack to ride in on his credentials and win the election. And no one--absolutely no one has been able to verify how it was arranged that John McCain would be the Republican nominee, and that he would pick Sarah Palin as his running mate, practically guaranteeing that Obama could not lose the election!

And there is one more incredibly secret and undeniable fact:  some evil genius, probably in a Hawaiian pineapple warehouse, invented Stupid Pills, and smuggled them into the lunchboxes of people like Mike Huckabee, and Michele Bachmann, and Donald Trump, and all those Tea Party people, which caused them to believe the whole secret, sinister thing!

I will not even speculate who paid for the printing of all those 3X5 cards with oil smudges on them that millions of good, ordinary, decent, garden-growing, lawn-mowing Republicans carry in their pockets that read, "He isn't one of us!"  Neither will I speculate on the sheer genius of whoever decided--When?  A century ago?--that this guy should be Black.  Black, with a White mother from Kansas!  Oh, the devious brain power that has been invested in this stuns me!

Well, The Huckabee stuns me, too.  And Donald is a stunner.  And Our Belle, Michele.  Something almost beyond belief is going on here!  Oh, the horror, the horror, in the heart of darkness!  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends-- My step-father of 35 years died this morning. His name was Conrad Royksund. He was 86 years old. He was born into poverty on a farm near Puyallup, WA. He was the first member of his family to attend college and earned a PhD from the University of Chicago. He paid his way through all of that by fishing in Alaska. He spent his professional career as a college professor. I met him when I was just 3 years old and don't actually have any memories of my life befor e he was in it. He was intimidatingly smart, funny as hell, and worked his ass off. He taught me to meet people with kindness and decency until I was certain they could not be trusted. He taught me to meet ideas with carving knives until I was certain they could. I will remember him as one of the bravest, most curious, and funniest people I have ever met. He left this world with a satisfied mind. We are so grateful. Dan Hubbard
1 comment
Read more

That's all we want: fairness! Not more guns and more war! Fairness!

The five police officers who were killed in Dallas are certainly not the officers who killed innocent citizens. There is more than enough tragedy to go around. "What is happening to our country?", Mari asked this morning. I had no answer.  We do have an answer.  We do not want to say it. There are lots of answers, all of them pertinent. We are a racist society, like most human societies. We are a society in the midst of enormous changes-- social, political, economic--and we do not know what to do about it. We are divided unsustainably into absurdly rich, and an enormous number of crumbling middle class families, and poor. We have guns everywhere; military guns, guns just for killing people, cheap guns, heroes carrying guns into churches and supermarkets, idiots who think guns ought to be allowed in bars and schools and ball games and beauty parlors and political rallies. Our political process is almost useless. There are good people in Congress, but there...
Post a Comment
Read more

On Watching a Formerly Sane Man Descend into Abject Religion

If you read the previous post, you know the apparatus, pictured here, is a torture machine. There are ten of them in our house, purportedly to circulate air to dry out all the problems caused by a water leak. We live in Tucson:  it has not rained in Tucson since the Gadsden Purchase. A mudslide the size of the one in Washington State could course through our neighborhood and it would be bone-dry and stone-hard before it quit moving. I suspect it is the CIA, and probably the Border Patrol! We are, after all, only about a hundred miles from the border. I fully expect a large suburban assault vehicle to pull up to the house, and for lots of people with UPPER CASE LETTERS on their shirts to interrogate us, and I will have to explain that all the drugs I use come from Walgreens and Total Wine. But it won't work.  Our minds are going. We are getting short with each other and, if they promise to turn off the fans, I will confess to having invented the Arab...
Post a Comment
Read more