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How to Avoid Boils

When you don't pray!
Well, we know why an earthquake devastated Haiti in 2010.  Pat Robertson told us that the Haitians had made a pact with the Devil a long time ago to get free of the French--You can't blame them for that:  you know the French!--and the Devil said, "Okay, it's a deal.".  And then the Devil remembered the deal in 2010 and shook Haiti like a voodoo doll!


And now we know how we could have prevented the tornadoes that ripped through the Midwest last week:  we could have prayed them away!  


It's easy, Pat said.  Had enough people been praying, God would have intervened and stilled the storms.  


It appears that God has no interest in stilling storms if there are not enough people praying all at the same time, and it obviously was not enough that nearly everybody in Haiti was praying--probably because they were praying in French, and you know the French!  Anyway, they had made a pact with the Devil, a long time ago, and their prayers were probably no good.  God was waiting to show compassion until after he heard a few, good, heartfelt prayers in the language of the Lord himself:  English!


Pat Robertson ran for President, too, in 1988, and I assume that he--being a God-fearing man--prayed to God, but God seems to have pretty much ignored him.  Probably something about his having made a pact with . . . , well, I don't really know who:  a Haitian gardener, perhaps.  It would be hasty of us to presume to know why God did not support Pat for President.  Maybe the Almighty already had his eyes set on Rick Santorum.  


It might just be the difficulty of judging God's mood.  God holds grudges, obviously.  He didn't forget the deal the Haitians made with the Devil.  Maybe it was that the people of Haiti learned French, and continued to use it.  Maybe it was their pronunciation of French.  You know, like the French Canadians!  So it might have been that the French were praying for the earthquake!  




It is a scary world!  Trying to learn the rules about when to pray, in order to stop floods, and earthquakes, and tornadoes is a complicated mess.  And then, as Pat also points out, all those gays are going to provoke God to do some awful things to us:  "This country cannot continue to violate God's principles and to make a mockery of His laws and think we're gonna get away with it. And when the boil comes, it's going to be horrible."


There is a boil coming!


What would we do if there were not fine, God-fearing people like Pat Robertson helping us to see God's love?  




Did he say, "a boil"?


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