For One Brief Shining Moment Only

Imagine for one, brief, shining moment that a wiener could think. (Not Anthony, of course, but all other wieners. Hot dogs. That sort of wiener.) And while we are at it, imagine that a wiener were happy to end up as part of a hotdog.

I am trying to think positively about how a sentient wiener might come to a happy end, given its options, short of photocopying itself into posterity.

I am driven to this meditation on the sensibilities of weenies by a recent picnic luncheon. I say, luncheon", although I never eat "luncheon". Sometimes I do eat lunch. The Wienermeister--we might call him--asked what I wanted, and I, thinking about dark mustard and onions and sauerkraut, said I would like a brat.

The Wienermeister pointed out that he had pickle-infused brats, and cheese brats, and ballpark franks, and even kosher hot dogs for Sol Rabinowicz, who is Jewish, you know.

I looked at the pack of alien hot dogs and wondered what is was like to be Bernie Sanders in the Senate of Hot Dogs; you know, the only Socialist, surrounded by ordinary right-wingers; some Democrats, some Republicans, and a modicum of Tea Baggers.

"Better only one Bernie Sanders," I thought, "than none, at all. At least, they have made a place for Sol Rabinowicz, who is Jewish, you know, amid all these Catholic and Protestant weenies."

As it happened, Sol wasn't there, but all my worries about what the kosher dogs might think were soon soothed. One of the guys baptized all of us with a friendly and ironclad inclusive prayer in the name of Jesus, for all of us and our weenies, including the kosher hot dogs we were about to eat, although not specifically by name, probably so as not to single us out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Friends-- My step-father of 35 years died this morning. His name was Conrad Royksund. He was 86 years old. He was born into poverty on a farm near Puyallup, WA. He was the first member of his family to attend college and earned a PhD from the University of Chicago. He paid his way through all of that by fishing in Alaska. He spent his professional career as a college professor. I met him when I was just 3 years old and don't actually have any memories of my life befor e he was in it. He was intimidatingly smart, funny as hell, and worked his ass off. He taught me to meet people with kindness and decency until I was certain they could not be trusted. He taught me to meet ideas with carving knives until I was certain they could. I will remember him as one of the bravest, most curious, and funniest people I have ever met. He left this world with a satisfied mind. We are so grateful. Dan Hubbard

Nice to Run Into You Again

We do not see things in enormous time-frames. We human beings are fairly new at figuring things out for ourselves. For instance, some people today still think of the earth as a newly created thing, perhaps ten thousand years old. Earth is actually about four-and-a-half billion years old. That is to say, the earth is 450,000 times older than the Adam and Eve story, and the universe is three times older than that! I recall first hearing that continents were slowly drifting around the earth, and that there quite likely had been several times when the continents were squeezed together. But people could stand on the edge of their own continents, and not see Africa or Asia getting closer. It took at least fifty years to figure things out. We called our continent something special. But sure enough, there have been numerous times during several-billion year history of the earth, when supercontinents formed, and eventually drifted off. ...

The Sea is Rising

Let us just step back: two hundred and fifty years ago, or so, the ships of England and Spain had drifted onto a whole new continent, as they saw it, from far north to a savagely cold south; pole to pole, as if there were such things. Millions of people already lived here, some of them still hunters and gatherers; some of them very wealthy, indeed! Gold and silver stolen from the southern Americas funded Spanish and English dreams. There was land, lots of land, under starry skies above, rich land, and oil and coal and iron ore. The whole western world learned how to build industries not on simple muscle power, but on steam and oil. We farmed, too, of course. All we needed was cheap labor--slave labor from Africa, mostly, so the ships came with slave labor. Chinese labor built railroad beds where there had been rock cliffs. Europeans, long used to killing each other for good, religious reasons, brought their religious savagery with them. ...

SmokeSound

Search This Blog