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Smarter Than a Pig

I used to hope that I was smarter than a pig.
I am not.

We have a bird feeder outside out kitchen window
where we feed small birds from a hanging feeder.
Fortunately, we seldom have pigeons,
because I know I am not smarter than a pigeon,
but even a few of the doves find ways to raid the feeder.

I wanted to encourage the Gambel's quail
who stroll around looking for fallen seeds
so I bought a quail block and built a platform:
not too high, but high enough so that
the javelinas could not reach it.

I was wrong.
No.  I was not as smart
as a pig.

I know that javelinas are not pigs,
but being too precise would not allow me
to say what I want to say.

 The rotten little buggers
got up on their hind legs
and nosed the quail block
over the side of the platform,
where they attacked it
and each other with equal zeal
until they had eaten every
sticky, scrumptious seed.
I had not wanted to make the platform too high
because Gambel's quail seem to prefer a sedate stroll
to their turkey-like, missile shots into air.
But I had underestimated how airborne a javelina can be
so I pulled up the steel stakes and bought some longer poles,
drove them into the ground, and re-mounted the platform.

No sooner did I have the second platform in place
than the javelinas sent an engineer to estimate the dimensions
of the new, hopeless platform, and discuss a plan for lunch.

Since they had peccaried out on the first block,
I went to buy another, hoping that they would
resume their regular rounds, and go hassle a neighbor.

It seemed so as I opened the gate to put the new quail block
on the new quail platform, but the sound of the gate latch alerted them
and they came charging from the underbrush.  It was my turn to quail.

I had no intention of going down there
to dispute ownership of the new quail block.
Years ago a javelina ripped at my leg,
not deeply, but deep enough to cause a wound
that lasted for weeks.  No, I did not see a doctor!
What reason was there for that?  Nonetheless. . . .

So I am waiting them out.
When they are finally gone
I will put Mari up on the house roof
to keep an eye on the horizon
and I will put out the new block.

Years ago, I read that pigs are smarter
than dogs, and I believe that, but this

is
           humiliating.

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