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The End, Probably, is Upon Us

Carol Isaac's own photo, I think. 
I lost my checkbook, but Carol Isaac found Jesus on a potato chip.

"Oh, my god, Vern!" she said, "Look at this!"  Vern looked, and he said, "It looks like Jesus on the cross!"  Carol chipped in, again:  "I think so, too.  It seemed like a sign or something.  I got all fuzzy and warm."

Sure enough:  it was a sign or something.  Maybe a potato chip.

Carol decided not to eat Jesus on the cross.  She just took pictures of it, instead, and put Jesus on the chip into the china closet.  She didn't want to take a chance bringing it to church to show the minister because he has a history of breaking things, or something.

Richard Chin, who reported the story in the Pioneer Press, also reported that Jesus had been sighted recently in Bakersfield, CA, and in St. Petersburg, FL, and even in Shippensburg, PA.  And, he says, you can find Jesus on Cheetos on YouTube.  A spokesperson for the Potato Association of America says that Jesus has also been sighted on potatoes in Maine and Canada, but that what is a supernatural appearance to some looks like rot or disease to the Potato Association of America, but that the chips are safe to eat, even if you see Jesus there.

I am not taking sides on this issue.  It is too important to allow for snap judgment or uninformed opinion and--truth be told--that is all I have to offer.  I will say this:  I found my checkbook, and that gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling, but I am nearly certain my warm and fuzzy had more to do with being able to make a payment on my pickup than the kind of thing that Carol and Vern felt.

I don't want to seem mean-spirited about these appearances, but I am more grateful than I can say that Jesus has not made a certified appearance on Rick Santorum.  And I do not believe, for even a moment, that the small blemish on the small of Callista's back, so artfully covered at every public appearance, is another Jesus sighting.  I do not, in fact, believe there is any truth to those reports!  No, I believe the Almighty does not take sides in Republican Presidential Primaries!  Anyway, all Callista has to do is to produce a long-form birth certificate specifying that she is pure and unblemished, and maybe a delicately-worded doctor's report that she has no tattoos or potato chips.

(These are really interesting times, are they not?)



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