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Time to Elect a New Pope! Let that Stovepipe Smoke!

Let us think about how this business of picking a new Pope works: the Princes of the Church--that Splendor of Cardinals--or at least those who have not had to stay home and pout because they have been accused of participating in, or abetting, the low-lying fog of sex crimes against small boys, will assemble, pray, discuss, horse-trade, and finally select the finest among them to wear red satin shoes and tell us all what God is thinking about how women ought to behave.  

 It is very important that the new Pope be very firm in telling women how to behave.  It is the primary business of the Church.  Women must be told how to dress, how to manage their occasional sex lives, what to do and what not to do when they become pregnant, and how to avoid even thinking about any form of birth control other than solitary confinement.  And they must never, ever, think about where the nearest Planned Parenthood office is.  

 Women simply cannot be trusted to grow up and become God-fearing, obedient, mothers and cooks unless they pay attention to what God wants them to do, and who better to tell them than a somewhat-celibate man who wears red satin shoes?  

 I think it is splendid that all of those most holy of prelates gather in Rome, and that they elect the next Leader of their Church, even if some of them probably ought to be under subpoena.  What bothers me is that they will probably let most of them go home, again.

Comments

  1. Heidi SimonsonMarch 9, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    You are recommended to watch the Daily Show recorded on March 7. John Stewart has two "Senior Vatican Correspondents" at the Vatican telling us how it's done.

    ReplyDelete

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