Skip to main content

Signs of the End-Times

Sports Illustrated, Aug. 26, 2013
Eric Black article in MinnPost
It is official.  Michele Bachmann confirms the good news:  she is not running for re-election, and the end of the world is near.  In her own mysterious way, Michele does not explain what the connection is between her decision not to run for re-election and the imminent end of the world, although both events may have something to do with the ethics charges against her, which she prayerfully denies, although it is the case that the guy in Iowa who was said to be the recipient of her illegal distribution of funds has not only announced his decision not to run for his own re-election, but has decided to leave office now.  

 But let us be honest:  the signs of end-time activities are all around us.  For instance, Hillary Clinton appears to be considering a run for the Presidency.  That is the kind of things that could happen only during the end-times.  Even Sarah Palin finds Hillary's possible run an abomination:  Sister Sarah--whom you may recall is the former Half-Governor of Alaska, who quit at halftime of her first term--says she would be "very disappointed" if Ms. Clinton runs for the Presidency.  And if the thought of a sad Sister Sarah does not move you to contemplate the end of all things good, you are not the mindlessly horny citizen you purport to be.  

 The signs of the end times are not all quite so dramatic as wayward Romanian princesses and profoundly patriotic Minnesota representatives on the House Intelligence Committee.  The Bible itself says that earthquakes and stress (such as that Sister Sarah feels) are end-time signs, as is an increase in vegetarianism and an increase in knowledge.  There will be signs in the sun and the moon and the stars, and waves will crash together in the sea, and men's hearts will fail them.  Half-Governors will show disappointment, and half-wits will be elected to Congress and, as John Stewart says, people will do everything they can to shut down government, and then deny they did it. (Actually, John Stewart said that they will fart, and then point to the dog.)  Ooh, ooh, ooh!  All you have to do is look around and you will see that Michele is on to something!

 It is not clear to me that we can do much about it.  Our Belle, Michele, is on the House Intelligence Committee, after all, and Sister Sarah is terribly disappointed, ever since that John McCain thing, if you want to be honest:  that did not work out as she had hoped.  And who can deny that Noah's ark came to rest in Kentucky?  You can see that with your own eyes.  

 It is probably too late to fully appreciate it, now, with the end so near, but surely we can find some comfort in knowing that we have elected an amazing number of people to Congress who are thinking their way through these perilous times with minds that have lain fallow for centuries, untouched by facts and worldly logic, waiting like Lucy and Linus for something to come on the clouds.  Maybe a map of the British Honduras.  Maybe a Great Pumpkin.


These are mysterious times.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends-- My step-father of 35 years died this morning. His name was Conrad Royksund. He was 86 years old. He was born into poverty on a farm near Puyallup, WA. He was the first member of his family to attend college and earned a PhD from the University of Chicago. He paid his way through all of that by fishing in Alaska. He spent his professional career as a college professor. I met him when I was just 3 years old and don't actually have any memories of my life befor e he was in it. He was intimidatingly smart, funny as hell, and worked his ass off. He taught me to meet people with kindness and decency until I was certain they could not be trusted. He taught me to meet ideas with carving knives until I was certain they could. I will remember him as one of the bravest, most curious, and funniest people I have ever met. He left this world with a satisfied mind. We are so grateful. Dan Hubbard
1 comment
Read more

The Sea is Rising

Let us just step back:  two hundred and fifty years ago, or so, the ships of England and Spain had drifted onto a whole new continent, as they saw it, from far north to a savagely cold south; pole to pole, as if there were such things. Millions of people already lived here, some of them still hunters and gatherers; some of them very wealthy, indeed!  Gold and silver stolen from the southern Americas funded Spanish and English dreams. There was land, lots of land, under starry skies above, rich land, and oil and coal and iron ore.  The whole western world learned how to build industries not on simple muscle power, but on steam and oil.  We farmed, too, of course.  All we needed was cheap labor--slave labor from Africa, mostly, so the ships came with slave labor.  Chinese labor built railroad beds where there had been rock cliffs. Europeans, long used to killing each other for good, religious reasons, brought their religious savagery with them.  Even when all they wanted to do w
Post a Comment
Read more

That's all we want: fairness! Not more guns and more war! Fairness!

The five police officers who were killed in Dallas are certainly not the officers who killed innocent citizens. There is more than enough tragedy to go around. "What is happening to our country?", Mari asked this morning. I had no answer.  We do have an answer.  We do not want to say it. There are lots of answers, all of them pertinent. We are a racist society, like most human societies. We are a society in the midst of enormous changes-- social, political, economic--and we do not know what to do about it. We are divided unsustainably into absurdly rich, and an enormous number of crumbling middle class families, and poor. We have guns everywhere; military guns, guns just for killing people, cheap guns, heroes carrying guns into churches and supermarkets, idiots who think guns ought to be allowed in bars and schools and ball games and beauty parlors and political rallies. Our political process is almost useless. There are good people in Congress, but there
Post a Comment
Read more