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Breaking News from The Onion re. Representation in Congress

The hard-hitting, fair-and-balanced, solid news gathering organization,
The Onion, reports that the American people have hired a lobbyist
to represent their interests in Congress.  It was the only way.

"His daily presence in the Capital will ensure that the American people
finally get a seat at the table. . . . Americans deserve to be represented
in Washington," a statement offered.  "Lawmakers are going to ask me,
'Why should I care about the American people?'   'What's in it for me?'
And it will be up to me and my team to find some reason why they
should consider putting poverty and medical care for children on the
legislative docket," the new lobbyist said.

A headhunter for the lobbying organization agreed, saying:  "The next
time Congress passes a bill dealing with civil rights or taxes, I wouldn't
be surprised if the U.S. populace is mentioned somewhere in the
final language."

The lobbyist for the American people will be paid $795. an hour.
That sounds like a lot of money, and it is, but it is not only well-spent
just to allow the public access to whatever it is Congress does,
but it is an idea that should be expanded.  In fact, I have a proposal.

Let us hire even more lobbyists!  We might try about a hundred
to speak for us in the Senate, and about 435 to work with members
of the House.  Let us see:  at $800. an hour, and working a 5 hour
day, three days a week, just as Congress does, and showing up--
 let us say--30 weeks a year, that would amount to about $350.K.
each.  And keep in mind, if people like Christine O'Donnell and
Sharron Angle get elected, there would be no point in trying to
talk sense to them, so quite a lot of money could be saved there.

At the same time, since really rich people are the only people
who can afford to run for office, and they are only doing so
as a public service, their salaries could sensibly be cut to about
$1. a year, just enough to indicate that they are public servants.

It would probably work out to a fiscal stand-off.
It won't cost us any more, finally to have our voices heard
in Congress, than we are paying now.

I am just saying.

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