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How to Put the Nation Back up on its Fiscal Feet

Our Belle, Michele Bachmann, from Iowa and Minnesota,  the former Wisconsin Synod Church Lady, who has the fervent support of Real Men who wish she would allow them to be the head of her household--Biblically speaking--has been endorsed by the head pastor of a local mega-church.


The Reverend Mister Mac Hammond, who has attracted a profoundly religious congregation of 9,000 members with the gospel message that God wants his faithful followers to get very rich, announced that he was taking a little break from his sacred ministry to follow Our Belle around the country and speak well of her.  The Reverend Mister Mac is Michele's personal pastor; she having resigned from her former church.  I am not sure whether she resigned, or whether she just fired them along with almost every staff member she ever had.  She is, by her own admission, a fool for Christ, but she is a very demanding employer, apparently.  Anyway, I will wager that she is drawn to the gospel as the Reverend Mister Mac explains it:  getting rich, and all.  Let us call it what they call it in the Living Word Christian Center:  "the prosperity gospel".

Together they are going to rise up and "talk about the vital importance of the church rising up to take the nation back"!

Wow!  Wow!  Wahoo!  They are going to return us to a Christian theocracy!

We should be grateful, I suppose, for this advanced notice.  It will give quite a lot of us time to inquire whether Canada grants dual citizenship.  Not everyone (I have heard) wants people like Marcus Bachmann to be the head of their households, as he is at the Bachmann house.   We will probably have time to look around while the Reverend Mister Hammond and Michele and other God-fearing folk are repealing the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".  They really do want to ask, because if you tell, they can offer to help you pray the gay away.  Or maybe just let you know that God doesn't want you to be rich, fooling around like that.

So if you are yearning for the days when our founding fathers worked tirelessly to get rid of slavery (as Michele explains it), when women were not allowed to vote, if you are salivating at the thought of a nation where Christians like the Reverend Mister Mac can apply Christian rules and Old Testament ethics, where everybody who believes will become prosperous, and maybe with just a small, reasonable poll tax to pay for all the catechetical classes to covert liberal Christians, and Jews, and Muslims, and Mormons, and people with no religion--all of whom will naturally want to convert and become very rich--you might want to pitch in and support Michele for the presidency.

But hurry!  Things aren't looking too good right now.  The Pizza Man won the Florida straw poll.

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