Skip to main content

How to Put the Nation Back up on its Fiscal Feet

Our Belle, Michele Bachmann, from Iowa and Minnesota,  the former Wisconsin Synod Church Lady, who has the fervent support of Real Men who wish she would allow them to be the head of her household--Biblically speaking--has been endorsed by the head pastor of a local mega-church.


The Reverend Mister Mac Hammond, who has attracted a profoundly religious congregation of 9,000 members with the gospel message that God wants his faithful followers to get very rich, announced that he was taking a little break from his sacred ministry to follow Our Belle around the country and speak well of her.  The Reverend Mister Mac is Michele's personal pastor; she having resigned from her former church.  I am not sure whether she resigned, or whether she just fired them along with almost every staff member she ever had.  She is, by her own admission, a fool for Christ, but she is a very demanding employer, apparently.  Anyway, I will wager that she is drawn to the gospel as the Reverend Mister Mac explains it:  getting rich, and all.  Let us call it what they call it in the Living Word Christian Center:  "the prosperity gospel".

Together they are going to rise up and "talk about the vital importance of the church rising up to take the nation back"!

Wow!  Wow!  Wahoo!  They are going to return us to a Christian theocracy!

We should be grateful, I suppose, for this advanced notice.  It will give quite a lot of us time to inquire whether Canada grants dual citizenship.  Not everyone (I have heard) wants people like Marcus Bachmann to be the head of their households, as he is at the Bachmann house.   We will probably have time to look around while the Reverend Mister Hammond and Michele and other God-fearing folk are repealing the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".  They really do want to ask, because if you tell, they can offer to help you pray the gay away.  Or maybe just let you know that God doesn't want you to be rich, fooling around like that.

So if you are yearning for the days when our founding fathers worked tirelessly to get rid of slavery (as Michele explains it), when women were not allowed to vote, if you are salivating at the thought of a nation where Christians like the Reverend Mister Mac can apply Christian rules and Old Testament ethics, where everybody who believes will become prosperous, and maybe with just a small, reasonable poll tax to pay for all the catechetical classes to covert liberal Christians, and Jews, and Muslims, and Mormons, and people with no religion--all of whom will naturally want to convert and become very rich--you might want to pitch in and support Michele for the presidency.

But hurry!  Things aren't looking too good right now.  The Pizza Man won the Florida straw poll.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends-- My step-father of 35 years died this morning. His name was Conrad Royksund. He was 86 years old. He was born into poverty on a farm near Puyallup, WA. He was the first member of his family to attend college and earned a PhD from the University of Chicago. He paid his way through all of that by fishing in Alaska. He spent his professional career as a college professor. I met him when I was just 3 years old and don't actually have any memories of my life befor e he was in it. He was intimidatingly smart, funny as hell, and worked his ass off. He taught me to meet people with kindness and decency until I was certain they could not be trusted. He taught me to meet ideas with carving knives until I was certain they could. I will remember him as one of the bravest, most curious, and funniest people I have ever met. He left this world with a satisfied mind. We are so grateful. Dan Hubbard
1 comment
Read more

Caliche Busters and Government Work

When I was young and both stronger and smarter than I am now, I put my might and brain to work doing nothing useful, unless it might be thought that hand/foot/eye coordination might come in handy.  Those were skills to be learned and practiced.   I found an iron bar our grandfather had shaped in his blacksmith shop.  He took old car, truck, or wagon axles, and made tools from them for digging post holes.  He sharpened one end to a tip, and the other to a blade.  Washington State, like many places, had a hard layer of soil, probably created by water and limestone, or some such materials, that made digging holes a miserable chore.  The bar chipped through the natural concrete so that a shovel could take it up.   I found Grandpa's iron bar, and since I was young and dumb and strong--or so I thought--decided to punch a hole down to hardpan and ultimate truth.  I knew how to do that.  Raise the bar vertically with both hands, and then slam in straight down.  On the second try, aimi
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sea is Rising

Let us just step back:  two hundred and fifty years ago, or so, the ships of England and Spain had drifted onto a whole new continent, as they saw it, from far north to a savagely cold south; pole to pole, as if there were such things. Millions of people already lived here, some of them still hunters and gatherers; some of them very wealthy, indeed!  Gold and silver stolen from the southern Americas funded Spanish and English dreams. There was land, lots of land, under starry skies above, rich land, and oil and coal and iron ore.  The whole western world learned how to build industries not on simple muscle power, but on steam and oil.  We farmed, too, of course.  All we needed was cheap labor--slave labor from Africa, mostly, so the ships came with slave labor.  Chinese labor built railroad beds where there had been rock cliffs. Europeans, long used to killing each other for good, religious reasons, brought their religious savagery with them.  Even when all they wanted to do w
Post a Comment
Read more