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God's Maniacs

"Jesus is my quarterback!" the coach said to Paul, who was interviewing for the Presidency of the college.

"I have got to see that game!", Paul said, later.

I don't know how God keeps track of all the football games and presidential candidates.  He could probably pretty much ignore the presidential candidates, since most of them don't matter, anyway, but football matters!  Tim Tebow paints "John 3:16" on his face, where everyone can see it, but not even Rick Santorum does that.  Maybe he paints it somewhere else.

I suppose God does care about Texas high school football games, but if he cares about Texas politicians it doesn't show, or if it does show, it shows that big and strong is more important than brains.  If Tim Tebow is God's quarterback, then clearly God doesn't require good form.  And if Michele and Rick and Newt are God's candidates, then God has a great sense of humor, and doesn't care about fumbles.

If I were God's coach, I would require those guys to carry a King James Bible all day, and never drop it.  They ought to be required to speak Elizabethan English, with lots of "saiths" and "haths" and "doths" and "shalt nots".

I am not sure whether it is more absurd to think that God watches football or cares about the Republican primary season.  I think the answer is "Yes!".  Each is more absurd than the other.  Politicians howl about Muslim Sharia law, but think it would be really fine if we could have a lot of Old Testament laws about how unclean women are, and that they are property belonging to men.  Baseball players scratch out a single and point to the top of the Dome to give God credit for being on their side:  "My Daddy always did like me more than you!"

At the coffee shop we frequent, almost daily, there is often a table of guys who get together to talk about how God has blessed them, and made them really angry about almost everything.  They are about the most hostile pool of testosterone I have ever seen.  God is their quarterback, too, and they are losing the game.

I am trying to be fair.  Maybe it is OK to want to be on God's side, but if you are convinced God is on your side, you are probably just a maniac with a King James vocabulary.

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