Near Beer: An Eyesight Problem

Enjoying a Non-alcoholic Beer: Mm-mm!

"Is there a non-alcoholic beer that tastes like beer?", I asked, at the biggest store I could find.

She asked me to say it again. I guess I was ducking my head and mumbling into my shopping cart.

"Not really," she said. "Let me show you what we have."

They had an astounding variety of beers, arranged by Types here, by Nations of Origin there, and by Not Really, down at the end.

I chose two Not Reallys, and as a concession to my religion, also bought a six-pack of Known to Contain Alcohols.

I wanted to sit in a public park and not give a diddly whether the Sheriff was a tee-totaler. It reminded me of the first time in my life I decided to stay within the speed limit while driving from Iowa to Washington State. What made it so brutal was that the speed limit had just been lowered to 55 mph. But I did it. Also for the first time in my life, I did not constantly check the mirrors for zebra cars: I just set the speed control.

That's what it was like: it was like driving 55 mph on the Interstate. Safe, but not very interesting.

On the other hand--way over on the other hand, way over--the drunks who come out of the desert after a six pack are not very interesting, either. "Interesting" is not the right word: "filthy", maybe, or "depressing".

There should be a way for friends to sit in a park and have a beer without having to apply for a license to open a restaurant. Anyway, what really bothers me are the people who commandeer a park table, open their heavy, leather Bibles to Ezekiel or Revelation, and demonstrate that it is not necessary to live in the 21st century, at all; that pretty soon a fiery chariot is going to swing low and carry them home. The Sheriff should cruise through the park and offer them a ride home, just to tidy up the grounds. Cut down the noise level.

Some things are just unnatural.

Comments

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