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Polly Andree and the Republican Primary

What a pack of time-warped suitors!  Arrayed on stage like a bridal party around the loudest fraternity brother of them all, the Republican "front-runners"took turns explaining why they should be president of most of us.

"The Donald's" contempt for women was hard to match--so offhandedly direct it was that Trump did not even recognize it--so the other men in the wedding party had to propose how they would take control of women's lives by defunding Planned Parenthood, of getting rid of health care, replacing the former with abstinence for women, and the latter with a really fine health care plan that they were going to explain after they were elected.

We have come a long way since John Kennedy explained that everybody knew that America had never started a war, and was never going to.  Most of the Republican candidates did not have to explain in detail that they wanted somebody else's kids to go to war in Iran:  just a savage nod to The Great Satan, or a heartfelt nod to Israel's eternal innocence and nuclear capability was enough.  Carly Fiorina may have fired more people than Donald Trump ever did, but that did not admit her to the Big Boy's Club:  she lacks the right stuff.

And even the immigrants among the groomsmen had a hard time.  A Republican wedding is uncomfortable for both women and immigrants.  Candidates in the Right Part of America do not appreciate guests at their party who do not need tanning salons, or who learned other languages first.  Whether the wall between us and Mexico should go from sea to sea, or merely almost all the way, was just a trivial detail.  Mexico was going to pay for it, anyway, wasn't it?

That is why the Party strategy to eliminate voter fraud by limiting voting to Old White Men Who Wear Suits is so necessary to enact.  Sending the kids off to war, teaching the women about Kitchen, Kids, and Khurch, and walling off the criminals and rapists being sent here to drive cars and go to school is not enough:  better to begin with what we know we can trust:  Old White Men with sexist, racist opinions and a rock-bottomed distrust of pointy-headed scientists and democratic-socialists from Vermont.

I wonder whether the Party will have same-sex or mixed-sex nominees, when the time comes to choose.  The odds suggest polyandry.


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