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Deep Thinking about Our National Security

Scott Walker, an acolyte in the Trump Cathedral of Medieval Notions, listened to Mr. Trump proclaim the beauty of a wall on our border with Mexico, all the way from the Caribbean to the Pacific and, just to show that did not think that he should only light candles for Mr. Trump, suggested that we should consider a wall between us and Canada, too.

I recall the time--probably in the 1970s, when I proposed to my ethics class that we avoid mutual nuclear destruction, and at the same time guarantee our security from invaders along our seashores, by building huge medieval catapaults loaded with green cowshit all along the shorelines, east and west.  Nothing is more discouraging than half a ton of flying cowshit.  Unless, of course, it is a political campaign.

I was ahead of my time.  It is nearly perfect.  A Great Trump Wall all along our southern border to resist Genghis Khan, a Walker Wall between us and Canada to stem the flow of freedom-loving U.S. citizens trying to flee primary election rhetoric by going north, and along each seaside border, those time-tested gobs of fresh crap.

We should do what we can now.  Later, we can secure ourselves from the skies.  I do not see any reason why a magnificent patchwork net, something like purse-seine nets on poles, would not protect our skies from incoming planes and parachuters.  They could, of course, be carbon-fiber reinforced, high-tech nets, probably nearly invisible to a naked eye staring at the sun.  One of the scariest places in the world is in a parachute at the top of a tall pole being protected by a band of patriots in camouflage gear and beer and Second-Amendment lawyers.

I do not want to pretend to be a know-it-all.  I am not, after all, one of the Sweet Sixteen chasing Donald Trump to the Republican nomination.  That is to say, and I am not ashamed to say it, so I shall say it, I do not know what to do with our political process.  The problem is, that when one listens closely to . . . oh, say Donald Trump or Scott Walker, it becomes evident that they are saying exactly what lots of good, ordinary, State Fair and Coffee Shop voters are saying.  So appealing to the public is no solution.

I think we have to take the long view, and do the prudent, rational, step-by-step sensible things we know will work:  walls, catapaults, fishing nets in the sky, and Sarah Palin.  Well, maybe not Sarah Palin:  she quit her job halfway through.  But even though she bailed out of her job as Governor of Alaska, she does know a lot about Alaska and its special relationship to Siberia out over her porch, and going to Whitehorse, Canada for health care because it was better.  I have no doubt that the security of Alaska will have something to do with shooting wolves from an airplane, or--shall we say--"harvesting" turkeys?  Alaska is best left to Sarah.  Or Sarah to Alaska.




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