A protester at Saturday's Tea Party on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. made clear that she was afraid, saying "We are losing our country, we think the Muslims are moving in and taking over."
Well, let's be honest. I have been worried, too.
I have heard a lot about these Muslims, as you have,
every since our hopelessly religious Black Christian President
was elected. Honestly, I have tried not to make a case
that he was dangerous because he had a God-compass.
I have handled that pretty well, I think.
He gets to pray to whomever he thinks
will help him tame that Portuguese Water Dog,
and maybe for strength to get through the next
Cabinet Meeting or chat with Chuck Grassley
without telling Chuck how he really feels,
because we all need our own secret resources.
And Barack Obama's Daddy was a Muslim!
Had he not been a Muslim, we might very well have asked
whether he was born in a Muslim country, as he was.
But I don't want to bring up all that birther business
about whether Barack's Daddy was really born in Alaska,
from where he could see Sarah Palin's porch.
Why waste our time on what could have been
a much better story than the one we have?
What I do know, for sure, is that none of us Christians,
had we been born in a Muslim country, would have
agreed to be Muslims. We would have pointed
right down to our genes and said it was impossible.
I have been checking out our neighbors,
trying to assess how many of them are Muslims,
converted by Barack Obama, to subvert the nation.
There are the McGilligans. I have nothing against
the McGilligans being Muslims, but they seem to.
They remains staunch Catholics, supporting Obama.
Over the other way, the Olsens still have a yard sign
showing support for a single payer health care system,
but I attribute that to their appreciation for Medicare.
They don't have any of those, "Get the Government
out of our Health Care!" signs in their yard,
maybe because they know who provides Medicare.
It isn't an insurance company.
Our partying neighbors, over the other way,
hardly need to deny they are Muslims, so they don't,
and I believe them. They don't fast during Ramadan:
they just eat junk food and drink cheap beer.
Phyllis, next door, might be a Muslim, I suppose.
She wears maxi skirts, most of which she has saved
from the time when she and two other guys drove
to Woodstock and think they stayed there for a month.
She is not sure, but she loves those tie-dyed skirts.
I don't think she is a Muslim, though. Honestly!
I want to be a patriot, but it is difficult when
none of the signs of subversion show up
in your own neighborhood, except for the Lawsons,
who say they do not give a good god-damn
about politics, and refuse to vote.
They might be Muslims, I suppose, if Muslims
are the kind who don't give a good god-damn.
I am puzzled by the Secret War Obama is said
to be waging against us: better health care,
an economy that won't go into a depression,
all that nuisance trying to save Chrysler, which has
produced three good cars in the last eleven years,
and two of those were K-cars that actually started.
I understand that our educational system
could use a lot of help, but isn't it socialist
to use government money to support public schools?
And who can explain why we still have troops
in Iraq and Afghanistan, when we could as easily
just hire more Blackwater or Swiss Guard
mercenaries to do the work? That is hard to explain!
And what is wrong with letting market speculators
send the whole nation, and known universe,
for that matter, into a decades-long deep depression?
Why invest public money to save the economic system?
The very foundation of Capitalism is that, from time
to time, some people will go broke, and they did!
We have to learn to live with these inconveniences!
I don't really believe in buying firearms to protect
myself against all the Muslims I cannot find
in my neighborhood, because I worry that Mari,
having a particularly vivid nightmare, might
haul out the shotgun and do me in, prematurely.
I intend to keep you informed about this menace.
The moment Sture Berg starts hinting that he needs
a couple of extra wives, or that he is going on a
pilgrimage to the Holy Land (Sweden), I will let you know.
The GOP (Grumpy Old Party) may be right.
People like Sture may be undermining democracy.
It may be time that we considered moving to Alaska.
Well, let's be honest. I have been worried, too.
I have heard a lot about these Muslims, as you have,
every since our hopelessly religious Black Christian President
was elected. Honestly, I have tried not to make a case
that he was dangerous because he had a God-compass.
I have handled that pretty well, I think.
He gets to pray to whomever he thinks
will help him tame that Portuguese Water Dog,
and maybe for strength to get through the next
Cabinet Meeting or chat with Chuck Grassley
without telling Chuck how he really feels,
because we all need our own secret resources.
And Barack Obama's Daddy was a Muslim!
Had he not been a Muslim, we might very well have asked
whether he was born in a Muslim country, as he was.
But I don't want to bring up all that birther business
about whether Barack's Daddy was really born in Alaska,
from where he could see Sarah Palin's porch.
Why waste our time on what could have been
a much better story than the one we have?
What I do know, for sure, is that none of us Christians,
had we been born in a Muslim country, would have
agreed to be Muslims. We would have pointed
right down to our genes and said it was impossible.
I have been checking out our neighbors,
trying to assess how many of them are Muslims,
converted by Barack Obama, to subvert the nation.
There are the McGilligans. I have nothing against
the McGilligans being Muslims, but they seem to.
They remains staunch Catholics, supporting Obama.
Over the other way, the Olsens still have a yard sign
showing support for a single payer health care system,
but I attribute that to their appreciation for Medicare.
They don't have any of those, "Get the Government
out of our Health Care!" signs in their yard,
maybe because they know who provides Medicare.
It isn't an insurance company.
Our partying neighbors, over the other way,
hardly need to deny they are Muslims, so they don't,
and I believe them. They don't fast during Ramadan:
they just eat junk food and drink cheap beer.
Phyllis, next door, might be a Muslim, I suppose.
She wears maxi skirts, most of which she has saved
from the time when she and two other guys drove
to Woodstock and think they stayed there for a month.
She is not sure, but she loves those tie-dyed skirts.
I don't think she is a Muslim, though. Honestly!
I want to be a patriot, but it is difficult when
none of the signs of subversion show up
in your own neighborhood, except for the Lawsons,
who say they do not give a good god-damn
about politics, and refuse to vote.
They might be Muslims, I suppose, if Muslims
are the kind who don't give a good god-damn.
I am puzzled by the Secret War Obama is said
to be waging against us: better health care,
an economy that won't go into a depression,
all that nuisance trying to save Chrysler, which has
produced three good cars in the last eleven years,
and two of those were K-cars that actually started.
I understand that our educational system
could use a lot of help, but isn't it socialist
to use government money to support public schools?
And who can explain why we still have troops
in Iraq and Afghanistan, when we could as easily
just hire more Blackwater or Swiss Guard
mercenaries to do the work? That is hard to explain!
And what is wrong with letting market speculators
send the whole nation, and known universe,
for that matter, into a decades-long deep depression?
Why invest public money to save the economic system?
The very foundation of Capitalism is that, from time
to time, some people will go broke, and they did!
We have to learn to live with these inconveniences!
I don't really believe in buying firearms to protect
myself against all the Muslims I cannot find
in my neighborhood, because I worry that Mari,
having a particularly vivid nightmare, might
haul out the shotgun and do me in, prematurely.
I intend to keep you informed about this menace.
The moment Sture Berg starts hinting that he needs
a couple of extra wives, or that he is going on a
pilgrimage to the Holy Land (Sweden), I will let you know.
The GOP (Grumpy Old Party) may be right.
People like Sture may be undermining democracy.
It may be time that we considered moving to Alaska.
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