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Uneven Contest

Houses have vindictive traits.
They have ways to get even.

This house, the one we are trying to leave,
has grown complacent over the last six years,
and is doing all it can to keep us here.

Last summer's new air conditioner,
weary of over-compensating for a wiring glitch,
demonstrated just how much water it could squeeze
from Minnesota summer air, puddled up
and dribbled down, as the old one did.

The water-filled baseboard heating register
in our bedroom sucked all the air it could
from the water, and locked the system up,
signifying irritation, and heating nothing.

The wildflower garden resisted weed spray,
and thwarted the new seeds, demonstrating
that once a wildflower, always a wild flower.

So far, our "new" house in Tucson--
no newer than this quarter-century-old house--
has managed to set off the alarm system
every time we have unlocked the door.

Our closets and cupboards are breeding
replacement parts for everything we take out.

Does it not say somewhere
in the Book of Ecclesiastes that
a clean and empty house will trigger
the return of the Messiah, or Douglas Macarthur?

Yes, it does!
Look it up!
It's in the same chapter
with "An apple a day keeps about a week",
and "An Ode to Grover Norquist".



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