Skip to main content

My Evil Twin

He rang the front doorbell on the east side of our house.
He said he represented Superior Automotive Service,
and had an offer I could refuse, but shouldn't. 

OK, he did not say it quite that way!

He complimented me on the Standing General of Xi'an
guarding our front door.  I was impressed that he knew,
even if our Standing General is cast in concrete,
and does not move a muscle at the sight of a burglar.

I explained that we already used Superior Automotive,
and that I did not think I would purchase their $69.95
plan to provide almost anything we could imagine or ever need
for mere hundreds on the thousand.  He was nice about it.

Today, our doorbell rang again.  This time it was the door
on the lower level of the house on the west side. 
It used to be an entry for the renter we have never had,
choosing to use the space for African Violets and spare
bedrooms and an easy way to get to the lower garage.

It was the same nice guy.
He was nonplussed.  Did a full 360
to get his bearings.  Hesitated.
Then he asked, uncertainly,
"Do you have a twin brother?"

He knew something was wrong with that,
so he fumbled, verbally:  "Or is this the back door?"

I said it was the back door. 



He went out to the street, and turned, again,
just getting it right. A corner lot, on a sidehill.
Stacked garages. A driveway from each street.
West over that way. Identical twins. Be damned!

All of this for only $69.95!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends-- My step-father of 35 years died this morning. His name was Conrad Royksund. He was 86 years old. He was born into poverty on a farm near Puyallup, WA. He was the first member of his family to attend college and earned a PhD from the University of Chicago. He paid his way through all of that by fishing in Alaska. He spent his professional career as a college professor. I met him when I was just 3 years old and don't actually have any memories of my life befor e he was in it. He was intimidatingly smart, funny as hell, and worked his ass off. He taught me to meet people with kindness and decency until I was certain they could not be trusted. He taught me to meet ideas with carving knives until I was certain they could. I will remember him as one of the bravest, most curious, and funniest people I have ever met. He left this world with a satisfied mind. We are so grateful. Dan Hubbard
1 comment
Read more

Caliche Busters and Government Work

When I was young and both stronger and smarter than I am now, I put my might and brain to work doing nothing useful, unless it might be thought that hand/foot/eye coordination might come in handy.  Those were skills to be learned and practiced.   I found an iron bar our grandfather had shaped in his blacksmith shop.  He took old car, truck, or wagon axles, and made tools from them for digging post holes.  He sharpened one end to a tip, and the other to a blade.  Washington State, like many places, had a hard layer of soil, probably created by water and limestone, or some such materials, that made digging holes a miserable chore.  The bar chipped through the natural concrete so that a shovel could take it up.   I found Grandpa's iron bar, and since I was young and dumb and strong--or so I thought--decided to punch a hole down to hardpan and ultimate truth.  I knew how to do that.  Raise the bar vertically with both hands, and then slam in straight down.  On the second try, aimi
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sea is Rising

Let us just step back:  two hundred and fifty years ago, or so, the ships of England and Spain had drifted onto a whole new continent, as they saw it, from far north to a savagely cold south; pole to pole, as if there were such things. Millions of people already lived here, some of them still hunters and gatherers; some of them very wealthy, indeed!  Gold and silver stolen from the southern Americas funded Spanish and English dreams. There was land, lots of land, under starry skies above, rich land, and oil and coal and iron ore.  The whole western world learned how to build industries not on simple muscle power, but on steam and oil.  We farmed, too, of course.  All we needed was cheap labor--slave labor from Africa, mostly, so the ships came with slave labor.  Chinese labor built railroad beds where there had been rock cliffs. Europeans, long used to killing each other for good, religious reasons, brought their religious savagery with them.  Even when all they wanted to do w
Post a Comment
Read more