In what was either a display of delicate maneuvering,
or of delicate courage, the Evangelical Lutheran Church
in America (the largest of the contentious Lutheran synods)
decided to allow congregations to hire gay or lesbian
clergy if they wanted to. Only if they wanted to.
That courageous act incensed a fair number of Church members.
About ten congregations have voted to leave the ELCA.
There are certain to be more. Lutherans hate to agree.
It is difficult to understand what the threat is to those
congregations, since they are not required to hire gay or lesbian
clergy. Apparently, if some other Lutheran congregation
somewhere else does, it might rub off on you, or make
your teeth turn yellow, or maybe just cause you to think
about it a lot. Anyway, if you leave the ELCA, you don't
have to send them any money, although it is hard to believe
that any of the dissidents are putting money first. They might
have to, if the ELCA says the synod owns the church property.
All of that is trivial nonsense. What is important is that
those idiots could be doing something useful with their time.
They might preach good news, or care for the sick and needy,
or maybe even write a couple of more slow hymns. Instead,
they get their pants all humid thinking about how the world
is going to end now that some other congregation somewhere
else is going to hire a gay or lesbian pastor. Ow, ow, ow!
I may be too harsh. Perhaps I should applaud their willingness
to take a stand for something really important, for having
sifted through all the things a church might do, and focusing in
on something fundamental. Do you recall the last time
a member congregation left the fold of the faithful because
some Lutheran pastor somewhere screwed around with
the church secretary? Do you remember reading how many
churches left the synod because the Pastor over at St. George's
by the Safeway got arrested for drunk driving? No, you don't.
You have to choose what is really important!
It is really important that the missionary position
be adhered to, and that one of the missionaries
be of the other sex--the other approved sex.
Some Lutheran synods will not even ordain women.
(I will not name a Roman Catholic Church that agrees.)
This silliness is an example of drawing a line in the sand.
It is really in the sand! There is no enduring stone
foundation here. This is getting sand in your pants.
When Martin Luther got his dander up, he did,
at least, nail the 95 theses to a good, solid, wooden
church door. He didn't draw them on the beach
at low tide. This is a low tide.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Did you hear about the Norwegian who shipwrecked
somewhere in the deep blue sea, and drifted ashore
onto an uninhabited island? It was three years before
he was found by another ship that sighted his signals.
"How have you done?" asked the First Mate.
"I did OK," Olav said. "There are berries and fruit
on the island, and I made a trap to catch fish,
and there is even driftwood to make buildings.
See!" he said, "I even have a tiny little church
which I named, 'Thank God Lutheran Church'."
"What is that over there?" the First Mate asked,
espying what looked like a tiny little chapel, too.
"Oh, that!" Olav snorted in derision.
"That's where I used to go to church!"
or of delicate courage, the Evangelical Lutheran Church
in America (the largest of the contentious Lutheran synods)
decided to allow congregations to hire gay or lesbian
clergy if they wanted to. Only if they wanted to.
That courageous act incensed a fair number of Church members.
About ten congregations have voted to leave the ELCA.
There are certain to be more. Lutherans hate to agree.
It is difficult to understand what the threat is to those
congregations, since they are not required to hire gay or lesbian
clergy. Apparently, if some other Lutheran congregation
somewhere else does, it might rub off on you, or make
your teeth turn yellow, or maybe just cause you to think
about it a lot. Anyway, if you leave the ELCA, you don't
have to send them any money, although it is hard to believe
that any of the dissidents are putting money first. They might
have to, if the ELCA says the synod owns the church property.
All of that is trivial nonsense. What is important is that
those idiots could be doing something useful with their time.
They might preach good news, or care for the sick and needy,
or maybe even write a couple of more slow hymns. Instead,
they get their pants all humid thinking about how the world
is going to end now that some other congregation somewhere
else is going to hire a gay or lesbian pastor. Ow, ow, ow!
I may be too harsh. Perhaps I should applaud their willingness
to take a stand for something really important, for having
sifted through all the things a church might do, and focusing in
on something fundamental. Do you recall the last time
a member congregation left the fold of the faithful because
some Lutheran pastor somewhere screwed around with
the church secretary? Do you remember reading how many
churches left the synod because the Pastor over at St. George's
by the Safeway got arrested for drunk driving? No, you don't.
You have to choose what is really important!
It is really important that the missionary position
be adhered to, and that one of the missionaries
be of the other sex--the other approved sex.
Some Lutheran synods will not even ordain women.
(I will not name a Roman Catholic Church that agrees.)
This silliness is an example of drawing a line in the sand.
It is really in the sand! There is no enduring stone
foundation here. This is getting sand in your pants.
When Martin Luther got his dander up, he did,
at least, nail the 95 theses to a good, solid, wooden
church door. He didn't draw them on the beach
at low tide. This is a low tide.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Did you hear about the Norwegian who shipwrecked
somewhere in the deep blue sea, and drifted ashore
onto an uninhabited island? It was three years before
he was found by another ship that sighted his signals.
"How have you done?" asked the First Mate.
"I did OK," Olav said. "There are berries and fruit
on the island, and I made a trap to catch fish,
and there is even driftwood to make buildings.
See!" he said, "I even have a tiny little church
which I named, 'Thank God Lutheran Church'."
"What is that over there?" the First Mate asked,
espying what looked like a tiny little chapel, too.
"Oh, that!" Olav snorted in derision.
"That's where I used to go to church!"
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