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Logic, Marriage, and Heavy Water

One of the philosopher-kings in our Republican legislature was explaining why he favors a bill to ban same-sex marriages.  It went something like this:  


"Water is composed of hydrogen and oxygen.  We call it 'water".  Now, if you were to put two hydrogen things together, that would not be water.  Or, you could put two of those oxygens together, but that would not be water, either.  Marriage is like water:  a man and a woman."


Lord knows it is difficult to argue with ironclad logic like that!  Oh, I suppose one could quibble and say that his analogy suggests that marriage should consist of two men and one woman, or (for those who want to live dangerously) two women and one man.  H2O.  Two atoms of hydrogen, and one of oxygen.  


But maybe he just meant that "water" is the only legitimate name for a molecule with two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom.  Or, perhaps, he just meant that the term, "water" should only be used to describe two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom:  you know, not water-down the term.  


I find his argument convincing, of course:  a marriage is just like two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen.  Or, maybe, water is just like one man and one woman.  I know, as a fact, that two men together is not water, and I suspect that two women together is not water, either.  And two men and one woman together (and so on) is illegal.  It is also unstable, something like heavy water used in nuclear processes, in which the hydrogen atom has a neutron, and we all know that neutrons are not good for a marriage.  


We don't permit it here, but not all marriages are composed of just one hydrogen atom and one oxygen atom.  Muslims can have up to four oxygens.  Abraham and Jacob had a couple of hydrogens, each.  King David had lots and lots of oxygens, and a big bunch of hydrogens on the side, too.  Here, we allow just two atoms to get married.  Our law does not allow big molecules.  


Are we getting silly, here?  Yes, we are!  


Marriage is not just for procreation.  Some couples don't want children.  Some don't want sex, either.  They just want to be together, except when they are just hanging in there because they do not know how to get out.  


Why should we care if two men or two women want to live together, under the terms that law stipulates shall, and can, apply:  all kinds of things, from property ownership, inheritance, and being allowed to see each other in the hospital?  


As Dale says:  "If they allow same-sex marriage, does that mean I have to get a divorce?"


No, of course not!  It just mean he should not drink the heavy water.  

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